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On occasion, Jay Spring believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these times of heightened ego are often succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his conduct, making him highly sensitive to criticism from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits on the internet – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he doubts he would have accepted the diagnosis without having already reached that realization by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they harbor a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what is meant by the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he believes many people hide it, as there is so much stigma around the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to seek admiration through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Though a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are men, research suggests this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who posts about her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It is not uncommon, the two disorders co-occur.

First-Hand Experiences

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that the problem is me, I tend to switch to self-protection or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures as a child. “I’ve been learning all this time what is suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for talking therapy through national services (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of NPD content creators and the expansion of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number